[Your name here], Jr. and other supplementary materials from The Daily Beast ExtenZe article.

So just up on The Daily Beast is a piece of mine called “The Case for Upsizing,” which outlines some of my research into and musings on the phenomenon surrounding the ExtenZe male enhancement pill.

For those who just can’t get enough, here’s a sample of some supplementary materials. I’ll be publishing the complete version of my Watchful Analysis for New Growth Patient Reported Outcome (WANG PRO) study in How to Be Inappropriate.

First up: a screen shot of the survey form–or, as I refer to it in my story, “Boner Diary”–for patients taking part in WANG PRO-click to enlarge, or click here for a PDF version. Print it out and use it at parties!

Next, a chart that maps out the responses of one patient in the WANG PRO Survey, penis nickname Thudler. The Beast ran this in the story, altough it seems hard to read. In my, ahem, extended exploration of the ExtenZe study, we will have a chart for all patients and a full patient profile, complete with everyone’s penis nicknames, favorite movie, and whether they wear boxers, briefs, or both.

The ExtenZe commercial I refer to in my lede. I think this speaks for itself.

Thank god for the people at the Infomercial Hell website, who have amassed a library of research and information on these “direct response” ads. It seems the host of Sex Talk, “Frank,” also appeared on the reality show Blind Date, and made it into the show’s Hall of Shame.

Finally, three footnotes that do not appear in the final version. Me, I love footnotes, endnotes, marginalia, pop-up boxes; when investigating a topic, it helps to keep the main thread of the text focused and lean. But there’s just too many bawdy asides to resist in a story about male enhancement pills.

[1] Let’s get the penis nicknames out of the way before we get down to the serious business. Weiner. Summer Sausage. The Wild Bologna Pony. Jack Hammer. Schlong. Captain Winkie. One-Eyed Monster. The Party in My Pants. One-Eyed Wonder Lizard. Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger. Meat Thermometer. Donut Puncher. [Insert Your Own Name], Jr. Heat-Seeking Love Missile. Tallywhacker.

[2] The Bureau did not take to ask the manufacturer’s aggressively euphemistic language regarding male genitalia.

[3] Selected spam email subject lines used to sell the ExtenZe product:

Don’t get upset with your small penis anymore
never be limp again, make your cock rock solid!
can you fuck for hours? i dont think so
if your sick of the girls leaving, enlarge your pole
Take your chance and enjoy your bigger penis
No surgeries! Enlarge your penis by simply taking our new preparation!
Add up to 4 inches to yours penis
Great way to increase the size of your penis is here for you
Do you feel depressed every time you remember the size of your phallus?
Now you are obtaining a fine occasion to improve your phallus, so that no lady in the world could resist you.
Try this exclusive remedy, and become a man all women dream about!
Do you feel dissatisfaction whenever you think about the measurements of your penis?
turn all the girls on with a large piece of manhood
Do you agree to be satisfied with an ordinary penis and average women? We doubts that. So we are here with our offer.
Do you want to have an ordinary penis and ordinary women? We don.t believe it. And so we are here with our offer.
78% admitted that they are unhappy with their partner’s penis size.
Your dreams of a huge penis are about to come true
I gained 4 inches – 31 Oct 2007 12:42:12
Do you feel depressed every time you recollect the proportions of your pen!s?