“Car Wash” feature in Burlington County Times, January 12, 1986.

My mom has been keeping this news clipping for 26 years, and I had not seen it until a couple weeks ago on a visit. Here’s a feature on Sunshine Wash ‘n Buff, where I worked part-time for some 5 years. You will notice, on the lower-left corner, a certain “Dan Nester” who is trying to “thaw his hands.”

My hair is awesome, of course.

I remember all those co-workers, who formed the core crew of people during the week. I worked Saturdays and Sundays and summers. The winter work was pretty brutal: we would put through 500 on up to 700-plus cars a day, and the line would go down Camden Avenue.

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Writing prompt: index cards.

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Instructions: write a story or poem or essay using these cards, in the order they show up in this slide show. Use the card literally, using the word in the card, or come up with an association only you would “get.” Send it to me if you feel like it. This is from a creative writing class I have been teaching Friday mornings at ARC of Rensselaer County. The students came up with these topics and words and we all wrote a story.

Rensselaer, in case you’re curious, pronounced REN-slur around these parts.

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“Two Exaggerated Self-Portraits.”

after Ulrich Berkes, 1980

1. 
I’m another poet
I share a car (a Honda), television set, washing machine
I like creamed and sugared cups of coffee
I know how to wash and detail a car with a single white rag
I’ve had 5 bicycles in my life
I meet friends at cheap bars
I write with good pens that I steal from corporations
I picked up my second girlfriend, a Danish au pair, hitchhiking in New Jersey
I think I’ve loved more than I have been loved, but many of us feel that way
I listen to music by Schubert, Queen, Prince, Joni Mitchell, and Ornette Coleman
I stopped a parolee from killing someone in a poetry class once
I keep all my old Mad and Cracked magazines in a basement box
I wanted to be a reporter, and before that a military officer
I walk only to work and to visit friends
I’m afraid of driving over a child
I live in a house with loud neighbors
I wish these neighbors would die, because I can’t write poems at home with their loud stereo and arguments
I play guitar, an electric with a lot of distortion, with headphones on
I cry uncontrollably sometimes because I can’t reconcile my childhood
I was born of gentle parents, at least they were at first
I write at a quiet desk at a nice co-operative
I was born on leap year, February 29, 1968, and have had only 8 real birthdays
I only keep a journal when I cry uncontrollably
I am 6’1” and weigh 200 lbs.
I read Williams, Olds, Juvenal, Stevens, Baraka, Whitman, Ruth Stone, O’Hara, Rilke, Lester Bangs
I still buy generic brands of cereal and canned vegetables
I shave my face with my wife’s pink razors
I have tried to write a memoir about rock music to make money
I go to movies, record stores, and watch TV all the time
I don’t remember my dreams
I think I’ve read too many novels already in my life
I am dramatic and have a persecution complex
I cook with chicken and fish, use limes and basil and garlic, black pepper
I have a Catholic’s affinity for candles
I play video games, mostly ones with hand-to-hand combat
I believe what Freddie Mercury said—“Only do half of what you want onstage”
I was once sent to classes for “slow children” because I wrote my name backwards, tracing it through a piece of paper
I am more shy than most people think
I called my pharmacist once to tell him how stupid he is
I am both attracted to crudity and aspire to be an intellectual

—Monday, January 8, 2001 

2.
I am not a poet today
I read the newspaper, vacuum, clean up cat shit, masturbate, talk to myself, take my medicine too late in the day
I live in a house that my wife bought before we were married
I live a lie, I tell myself out loud, walking up Broadway
I smoke pot now only when I visit my best friend to play the newest video games
I can’t swim
I am afraid
I wish I expected less from my friends
I play air guitar while driving
I like eating bread and drinking Coke
I may never have a book of poems published
I think I have sabotaged my life
I steal words whenever I can
I envy everyone
I have a scar on my Achilles heel when a lawnmower blade sliced my tendon when I was 19
I walk around like I’m lost
I would like to see “New Wave Hookers” again
I think most people who portray the poor in poetry, music, photography, and movies are condescending because they think being poor is somehow more noble
I could write ten poems in a day sometimes, I think
I have many secrets
I come from two families of factory workers and truck drivers
I bullshit a lot
I shouldn’t say half of what I say
I think there should be more irony and culture in poetry
I can’t tell a story straight, that’s why I write poems
I am mostly insecure about my life
I wish I would get into a fistfight sometimes
I was bored this morning, speaking with other poets
I wish I had more vinyl records, especially expensive jazz ones from the Village
I wish I wore Old Spice cologne and smoked
I am not included in the Poets & Writers authors directory
I keep going until I stop
I drive points into the ground
I walk up Third Avenue, still as hungry and wide-mouthed as six years ago
I smooth down women’s’ shoulders as I pass them in hallways
I read Mayakovsky once and cried
I wish you would love me after reading this poem, but understand if you don’t

—Friday, January 12, 2001

[Mirrored here as it was first published in the now-defunct No Slander literary magaazine, on December 30, 2001, and republished in The History of My World Tonight.]

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Another reading with musicians January 21 at The Fifth Estate in Brooklyn.

Another spoken word/music revue later this month with Barbiana Complex + friends, Jackie Sheeler’s word music, and, in a College of Saint Rose in New York City trifecta: M.E. Griffith, Daniel Nester, and Alex Tunney reading nonfictional language-word-writings.

That’s a lot of music/spoken word entertainment. It’s all going down in Park Slope. And it’s FREE! Here’s a rough timeline of events.

Doors open at 7pm.

7:30pm M.E. Griffith, Daniel Nester, and Alex Tunney read;

8:30pm Jackie Sheeler’s words with Andrew Merclean on guitar;

9:30pm Barbiana Complex (band)

Saturday, January 21, 7pm, The Fifth Estate, 506 5th Avenue between 12th & 13th Streets, Park Slope, Brooklyn, 718-840-0089.

Here’s the Facebook event page.

About the acts:

Barbiana Complex has been described as “thick, sprawling psychedelic fuzz-goth” by Chuck Eddy in Village Voice. Their latest EP is She Stole My Star. Based in Hoboken, the band features Barbara Solsky on vocals/guitar, Mike McCann on drums, and Warren Kitt on bass. They are currently completing a recording of the piece Statue Strikes at 12, with guest musicians David First (Notekillers) and Elliott Levin (New Ghost). Excerpts from a live performance of Barbiana Complex with Elliott Levin at ABC No Rio/COMA, NYC, are available on YouTube.

Jackie Sheeler is a native New Yorker, an award-winning poet, songwriter, performer, and renegade. Her first collection, The Memory Factory, won the Magellan Prize. Three Rooms Press published her chapbook, to[o] long. A second full-length collection, Earthquake Came to Harlem, was published in 2010. As vocalist for Talk Engine, a popular WordRock band, Jackie has performed at Symphony Space, Nuyorican Poets Cafe, Knitting Factory, Bowery Poetry Club, CBGB’s, Tonic and other venues nationwide.

M.E. Griffith‘s writing has appeared in PANK, Sunsets and Silencers, Connotation Press and her grandmother’s living room. She is a Long Island native, a graduate of Sarah Lawrence College’s MFA program, and a college writing teacher. She lives in the Bronx but still, thankfully, has a driveway.

Daniel Nester is thrilled to be reading with his Alex and ME, his former students. His latest book is How to Be Inappropriate. He blogs at We Who Are About To Die, lives in upstate New York, and teaches at The College of Saint Rose in Albany, NY.

Alex J. Tunney currently attends The New School’s MFA writing program studying nonfiction. He is a Long Island native. He should probably start submitting work to literary journals.

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Freerange Humor Night Reading in NYC on January 4, 2012.

I just invited a lot of my Facebook friends to my next reading at, which is at the Freerange Reading Series. It’s going to be HUMOR NIGHT and it’s on Jan. 4, 2012. It’s a super reading series and should be real fun! Make a resolution to go to this reading! Get it?

Anyway, here’s the Facebook event page. Details are below, which also appears on the Events page.

January 4, 2012, Freerange Nonfiction Reading Series7pm, Piano’s, 158 Ludlow, New York, NY,  $8 door (includes free raffle ticket). “Humor Night” produced by Freerange Nonfiction’s Mira Ptacin and Upright Citizen’s Brigade Carter Edwards. Amy Lawless, others tba.

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